Inspired by such blogs as "Texts from Last Night" and "When Parents
Text," here's another glance into the magical world of Bhutan. All of
these are true exchanges between foreign teachers working in the field.
Nothing edited. To these teachers, thanks for sharing the laughs on a regular basis. Let's continue to keep each other sane. To those reading, hope you get at least a couple smiles.
1. "My friend is surrounding our house with burning food for the ghosts of dead people. I feel we may die from all the fire around. But I won't tell her that."
2. "I think I'm getting intoxicated from bleaching mold in my own house."
3. "Just put the date of the second world war on the board. My kids asked if I was a survivor."
4. (The set up.)
"I showed him pics of our trip. He didn't even get scared off by the one with your finger up your nose. He's short, dark and handsome, but not too short. He likes long walks to the lake above Taktse. Seriously, sweetest guy ever."
"Good. We're practically married..."
" ...All you have to do is sleep with him once."
5. "Just went through the road block. We could see the rocks coming off the cliff infront of us"
6. (halfway through a cross-country journey):
"fucking gorgeous! my bus driver just bought me two shots of whiskey.. after I bought myself 2 shots :) "
"AMAZING. I hope the driver didn't drink them too."
"Yes. yes he did."
7. "Today is a day of firsts: shaved my knuckle meat down to the bone on rusty metal attached to the chapsang door while taking a shit. Had to wipe up while bleeding profusely. Now for a tetanus shot and stitches:) "
8. (How items get from Thimphu to my house):
"On Mongar bus. You may have to wave and jump in front of it, as i am in a packed bus in the middle."
9. "Oh gastroenteritis, why did you have to come on a day when i had really fun lessons planned?"
10. "I FUCKING love Bhutan"
11. " 'No, it is not a good idea to pierce your friend's ear with a safety pin' "
12. "Two grade 6 classes- our conversations went from the holocaust, Judaism, gay marriages, pipeline projects in Canada, to teen pregnancies. What a day! I'll probs have to pack my bags tomorrow..."
13. "Oh I i did such a walk earlier. Bear in mind the jungle is less than 5 minutes from my door"
14. "Just got a hitch hike with a guy who spent ten minutes talking about the mangled faces of farmers in my village who were attacked by animals."
15. "Here AGAIN no power and no water. GRRRRRR"
16. "I have lived in my place 6 months but now my place is actually clean. This is thanks to my friend ST."
17. "Just told my kids it was "Fogust 1st" today and they got it. I think this has been my most memorable teaching moment. Ever."
"That's seriously impressive. My kids don't even know what August is."
18. "I don't know how to teach. Do you? I'd like a clear explanation thanks. 25 words or less."
19. "But more important I just saw a lady wearing a shirt that says I'm hear about the blow jobs"
20. "So yesterday a chillup (foreigner) appeared in my village... i never thought that would happen"
"Did they bring you starbucks too? My housemate bought us a fridge yesterday. I'd say just as good."
21. "I go home every night and clean mold off the ceiling for half an hour. Each day I fight off at least 2 leeches. I was caught in a mudslide for 3 hours on saturday. I'm scared to get veggies now becaue of the rockfall thats made the road into town the most dangerous in all of Bhutan"
22. "Did you say you had fleas?"
"Yes. Did I give them to you?"
23. "Holy fucking shit. We almost went off the cliff. A fucking boulder saved us. Jesus fucking christ."
"How many times do I have to tell you. DON'T DIE!!!!!!! Are u ok now?"
" Okay. In shock. 'My exam is no longer scary,' said the student sitting beside me."
24. "20 car pile up to save a guy trapped in a car that went off cliff. Watched the whole thing. I need a good fucking hug and a cry."
25. "Me too. But only after a dream about freestyle shopping in a supermarket."
26. "Aaaand I almost got kicked out of assembly for a laughing fit. Principal warning kids not to steal cucumbers...'first you steal cucs, then who knoooows what you'll steal?'.... TVs, couches, jewelry. ' "
27. "I'm solo drinking. Outside. Fog gazing and laughing at my own jokes. "
28. "Aint that the truth! And if you use the toilet without closing the door a ghost will wipe your bum!"
29. "Guess who's out of toilet paper and can't walk 4K to get more?"
30. "A very poor mum of my student just saw me walk alone in the rain. Stopped, took out an umbrella from her basket for me. This is why I am here"
31. "Just got a ride. I'm in a beat up van that reeks of diesel with a drunk grandpa beside me. Ima be hiiiigh after this ride"
32. "No, it's so amusing. And gross. After that, was a warning for students not to pee in water bottles and leave them places. "
"They definitely should use walls right?"
"RIGHT. The problem was, a grade 4 student almost drank it."
"AAAAAAAH"
"That's her fault. Who the fuck picks up a yellow liquid and is like, 'damn this water looks good."
"A grade 4 student"
33. "Mam my cock is in your bedroom' said the student playing badminton outside my house"
34. "Our shop has spinach. We won't starve for a week = that was enough to make me smile." "There, ya see? It's easy. Plus just look out at your valley"
35. "If a good fart solves everything here, i should be able to solve problems in Ukraine and Gaza tomorrow."
36. " 'miss, i come to canada to make some monks for you all?' "
37. " 'sun! do not climb down that waterfall! Why do I even say these things to my kids?"
"Yeah, especially since i watched you climb down one in Tashigang"
38."monsoon moment when you think it couldn't possibly rain any harder... and then it does."
39. "Okay one of my 5s AGAIN tried to jump on the roof of the toilet. Missed. Fractured his arm."
40. "Leech on NECK while eating lunch. YALAMA."
"Ooooh invertebrate love bite! Get sooooome"
41. "Almost 4 hours later.... still in meeting. And hella craving a damn good falafel."
"I fell awful once. Hurt like hell"
42. "Yeah Bhutan does make my heart a tropical zone pretty regularly"
43. "So I'm taking the King's brother to lunch in Wamrong, no big deal."
44. "Hiking to monasteries in the middle of nowhere is really becoming my thing. I'm happiest at those times. One delicious sleep coming up."
45. "I taught in my pyjamas today."
----- Food cravings can take over some days... --------
46. "I have an INTENSE craving for a big hot dog from a street vendor"
47. "Wow I actually want pizza so badly now."
48. "My mum just emailed about amazing fish and chips she had. Why would she do that?"
49. "All I want right now is sushi"
50. "plus u know what sucks... finally have all the ingredients for french toast and stomach's too f'd to eat it. Bread will be moldy when i'm better."
51. "A truck selling just mangoes at our school this am. Today is going to be a GOOD day."
52. "How was your presentation? i'm at a baby shower.. for the principal's new car."
53. "Picture me at midnight last night. Drunk. And seeing a human sized sewer rat run across my kitchen. I fucking lost it. "
54. "It's too rainy to farm but i am being served tea in grandma's house barn. And the rats have arrived. And I love Bhutan"
"Just made spinach pancakes with grandma and helped her milk her cow!"
55. "A kid just asked me if I got a nose job."
56. "Passed a random Canadian on a bike today. Stared at him in shock, him the same."
57. "Just cracked an egg. Yolk was stuck to the shell. Plus mold INSIDE THE SHELL."
"Ew. I'm eating eggs."
58. (Staff meeting) "literally as i speak, two women are putting glue on their hands, letting it dry, and peeling it off. The men in the back are secretly passing tobacco and pinching each other."
59. "If a mantra is chanted in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"
60. . "A teach was stuck in rockfall for 24 hours. No water, only food he had were the fruit he brought for teachers. AND HE SAVED THEM FOR US. THAT is buddhism."
"Is that too buddhist for you?"
1. "My friend is surrounding our house with burning food for the ghosts of dead people. I feel we may die from all the fire around. But I won't tell her that."
2. "I think I'm getting intoxicated from bleaching mold in my own house."
3. "Just put the date of the second world war on the board. My kids asked if I was a survivor."
4. (The set up.)
"I showed him pics of our trip. He didn't even get scared off by the one with your finger up your nose. He's short, dark and handsome, but not too short. He likes long walks to the lake above Taktse. Seriously, sweetest guy ever."
"Good. We're practically married..."
" ...All you have to do is sleep with him once."
5. "Just went through the road block. We could see the rocks coming off the cliff infront of us"
6. (halfway through a cross-country journey):
"fucking gorgeous! my bus driver just bought me two shots of whiskey.. after I bought myself 2 shots :) "
"AMAZING. I hope the driver didn't drink them too."
"Yes. yes he did."
7. "Today is a day of firsts: shaved my knuckle meat down to the bone on rusty metal attached to the chapsang door while taking a shit. Had to wipe up while bleeding profusely. Now for a tetanus shot and stitches:) "
8. (How items get from Thimphu to my house):
"On Mongar bus. You may have to wave and jump in front of it, as i am in a packed bus in the middle."
9. "Oh gastroenteritis, why did you have to come on a day when i had really fun lessons planned?"
10. "I FUCKING love Bhutan"
11. " 'No, it is not a good idea to pierce your friend's ear with a safety pin' "
12. "Two grade 6 classes- our conversations went from the holocaust, Judaism, gay marriages, pipeline projects in Canada, to teen pregnancies. What a day! I'll probs have to pack my bags tomorrow..."
13. "Oh I i did such a walk earlier. Bear in mind the jungle is less than 5 minutes from my door"
14. "Just got a hitch hike with a guy who spent ten minutes talking about the mangled faces of farmers in my village who were attacked by animals."
15. "Here AGAIN no power and no water. GRRRRRR"
16. "I have lived in my place 6 months but now my place is actually clean. This is thanks to my friend ST."
17. "Just told my kids it was "Fogust 1st" today and they got it. I think this has been my most memorable teaching moment. Ever."
"That's seriously impressive. My kids don't even know what August is."
18. "I don't know how to teach. Do you? I'd like a clear explanation thanks. 25 words or less."
19. "But more important I just saw a lady wearing a shirt that says I'm hear about the blow jobs"
20. "So yesterday a chillup (foreigner) appeared in my village... i never thought that would happen"
"Did they bring you starbucks too? My housemate bought us a fridge yesterday. I'd say just as good."
21. "I go home every night and clean mold off the ceiling for half an hour. Each day I fight off at least 2 leeches. I was caught in a mudslide for 3 hours on saturday. I'm scared to get veggies now becaue of the rockfall thats made the road into town the most dangerous in all of Bhutan"
22. "Did you say you had fleas?"
"Yes. Did I give them to you?"
23. "Holy fucking shit. We almost went off the cliff. A fucking boulder saved us. Jesus fucking christ."
"How many times do I have to tell you. DON'T DIE!!!!!!! Are u ok now?"
" Okay. In shock. 'My exam is no longer scary,' said the student sitting beside me."
24. "20 car pile up to save a guy trapped in a car that went off cliff. Watched the whole thing. I need a good fucking hug and a cry."
25. "Me too. But only after a dream about freestyle shopping in a supermarket."
26. "Aaaand I almost got kicked out of assembly for a laughing fit. Principal warning kids not to steal cucumbers...'first you steal cucs, then who knoooows what you'll steal?'.... TVs, couches, jewelry. ' "
27. "I'm solo drinking. Outside. Fog gazing and laughing at my own jokes. "
28. "Aint that the truth! And if you use the toilet without closing the door a ghost will wipe your bum!"
29. "Guess who's out of toilet paper and can't walk 4K to get more?"
30. "A very poor mum of my student just saw me walk alone in the rain. Stopped, took out an umbrella from her basket for me. This is why I am here"
31. "Just got a ride. I'm in a beat up van that reeks of diesel with a drunk grandpa beside me. Ima be hiiiigh after this ride"
32. "No, it's so amusing. And gross. After that, was a warning for students not to pee in water bottles and leave them places. "
"They definitely should use walls right?"
"RIGHT. The problem was, a grade 4 student almost drank it."
"AAAAAAAH"
"That's her fault. Who the fuck picks up a yellow liquid and is like, 'damn this water looks good."
"A grade 4 student"
33. "Mam my cock is in your bedroom' said the student playing badminton outside my house"
34. "Our shop has spinach. We won't starve for a week = that was enough to make me smile." "There, ya see? It's easy. Plus just look out at your valley"
35. "If a good fart solves everything here, i should be able to solve problems in Ukraine and Gaza tomorrow."
36. " 'miss, i come to canada to make some monks for you all?' "
37. " 'sun! do not climb down that waterfall! Why do I even say these things to my kids?"
"Yeah, especially since i watched you climb down one in Tashigang"
38."monsoon moment when you think it couldn't possibly rain any harder... and then it does."
39. "Okay one of my 5s AGAIN tried to jump on the roof of the toilet. Missed. Fractured his arm."
40. "Leech on NECK while eating lunch. YALAMA."
"Ooooh invertebrate love bite! Get sooooome"
41. "Almost 4 hours later.... still in meeting. And hella craving a damn good falafel."
"I fell awful once. Hurt like hell"
42. "Yeah Bhutan does make my heart a tropical zone pretty regularly"
43. "So I'm taking the King's brother to lunch in Wamrong, no big deal."
44. "Hiking to monasteries in the middle of nowhere is really becoming my thing. I'm happiest at those times. One delicious sleep coming up."
45. "I taught in my pyjamas today."
----- Food cravings can take over some days... --------
46. "I have an INTENSE craving for a big hot dog from a street vendor"
47. "Wow I actually want pizza so badly now."
48. "My mum just emailed about amazing fish and chips she had. Why would she do that?"
49. "All I want right now is sushi"
50. "plus u know what sucks... finally have all the ingredients for french toast and stomach's too f'd to eat it. Bread will be moldy when i'm better."
51. "A truck selling just mangoes at our school this am. Today is going to be a GOOD day."
52. "How was your presentation? i'm at a baby shower.. for the principal's new car."
53. "Picture me at midnight last night. Drunk. And seeing a human sized sewer rat run across my kitchen. I fucking lost it. "
54. "It's too rainy to farm but i am being served tea in grandma's house barn. And the rats have arrived. And I love Bhutan"
"Just made spinach pancakes with grandma and helped her milk her cow!"
55. "A kid just asked me if I got a nose job."
56. "Passed a random Canadian on a bike today. Stared at him in shock, him the same."
57. "Just cracked an egg. Yolk was stuck to the shell. Plus mold INSIDE THE SHELL."
"Ew. I'm eating eggs."
58. (Staff meeting) "literally as i speak, two women are putting glue on their hands, letting it dry, and peeling it off. The men in the back are secretly passing tobacco and pinching each other."
59. "If a mantra is chanted in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?" 60. . "A teach was stuck in rockfall for 24 hours. No water, only food he had were the fruit he brought for teachers. AND HE SAVED THEM FOR US. THAT is buddhism."
"Is that too buddhist for you?"
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